I never really cared too much for the argument of whether or not opposites attract. Opposites work well together just as people who are very similar do.
These patterns are attributed to our own personal experiences and observations. Then confirmation bias usually gets the best of us and we conclude it must be true. Just wanted to point out my thoughts on that whole thing. I used to be the high school girl with many friends, and now I am the 40something with very few.
I like it this way as it allows me to be more attentive to my friends. I am also spending a lot less money than I used to just to be out with the crowd. For a good portion of my life, I made friends and hung out with people because it was something to do and because I wanted to have fun. Things changed when I started to value people as individuals and develop mutually supportive, rain-or-shine type friendships.
Creating meaningful friendships also took a lot of the pressure of social interaction away because my friendships were built on solid ground and mutual respect. Awesome knowledge you just shared with us, Scott. Your mindset shift allows you to focus on finding higher quality individuals that you genuinely bond with. I sometimes feel the need to one-up people… actually most of the time, but I try to repress it.
Some real food for thought in this post.. Also, I had a discussion with my friend about treating girl friends better.. But it might come down to them being more comfortable asking for help. Any thoughts on that? Keeping in touch becomes difficult because a lot of us are a bit insecure.
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Nothing gets done. Can you tell me a bit more about that though? Do you mean chivalry-type things like opening the door for them? Things like that you should do for everyone. There is a lot of wisdom here, Vincent.
Follow the Fader
My new thing is to try to steer conversation as much as possible to the other person. Definitely, Tom. Avoiding selfishness in a conversation makes you more likable almost immediately. Assuming you are all living somewhat near each other then the easiest way would be to introduce everyone to one another. Great point about blending the social groups and gathering everyone together as a way to keep in touch. Yeah, I know how you feel. Sometimes I prefer one-on-one as well, but groups are fun on occasion.
On that same vein, what would you do if you still live countries apart from your closest friends and can only communicate through social media and email, yet not be close enough to interact with them? At the moment, I do not have money to pay for their flight tickets and accommodations here. As far as I know, they do not have clashing personalities to one another. W hat do you suggest I do then? Not general chivalry like holding doors. Things like really helping out no questions asked.
For example putting someone up for a few days while they move, or physically help them move, teach them how to do stuff etc. I know a few people that do this for not too close girl friends with no ulterior motives, most of the time But if you were a guy you would need to be a damn good friend to even consider asking. Is the impression I have, although to be fair I never asked. Ah, okay so now I understand what you mean. It could just be us guys psyching ourselves out. People are more willing to help than you think and all it takes is to ask.
But really, it can go either way. Plus, you have to remember most guys do have ulterior motives or at least have some sort of desire. Kind of went off on a tangent there, may get some disagreements, but those are some of my thoughts.
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Good friends are not easy to find. Sometimes you can feel closer to your friend than to your family. Although most people would disagree with your last sentence, I actually would side with you there! My first response to your article, my friend! I came here because I have really hurt a good friend recently, and I felt like I needed to come here to remember the foundations of a good friendship. I can say some really mean things and not even notice it or notice how it affects other people. I think perhaps what has happened recently to me was a huge wake up call.
Thanks a lot, Vincent.
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Sorry to hear about your experience. Hope everything works out with your friend. I am lazy when it comes to being a good friend. Sorry to have taken up so much space. Any more advice you have would be great. Personality transplant available anywhere?
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Paula, I was the exact same way! How could you possibly know that? Maybe your social graces have improved a bit? Hah,I still have the habit of interrupting people. I get so excited I just want to get my words out there. Again, practice. True, which is why we have to be careful to avoid being a pushover. Am i a bad friend?
But somehow I always get picked last. Two girls are shitty friends to two of my best friends but they are more popular than I am so they can be two faced and still every single time a concert comes up they crapy friends get picked over me. Is it still fair? Sorry for putting in two different concerns in one! I do want to save these friendships. I am a 13 year old chick and I take forever to reply to my best friend of 7 years texts lately I used to reply in seconds.
I am worried it will be the end of a beautiful relationship… Any advice at all? Please reply! Please Vincent, help me fix myself. Hi Vincent, I have serious concerns about my ability to be a good friend which seemed to develop after I became a paraplegic at age I put forth a lot of effort to grow friendships; asking to hang out outside of work, I tell them how they are the closet thing I have as friends.
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